Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
