I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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