I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize