That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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