he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
