Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
