Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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