so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
