Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
