omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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