found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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