So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
