apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Come on in and take your pants off
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