i would punch a child for taco bell
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
