Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
