She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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