I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
