Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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