I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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