By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
