I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
