he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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