Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
