I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
