suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
