cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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