Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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