I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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