my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
