I need help removing her.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
