You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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