I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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