I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
