I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
