All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
