she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize