well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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