i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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