you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
