Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
