why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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