I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
