I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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