I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
