remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
