Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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