the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
