Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
BRING THE BAGELS
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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