i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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