is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
