u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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