if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Randomize