i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
