so explain again why im purple
no
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
