Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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