So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
