he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
