think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
