its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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