You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
