I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When are your genitals available?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
