Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When are your genitals available?
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