yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
