you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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