Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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