Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
