apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
