RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
