We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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