i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
