i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
