thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
