I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
