Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
