just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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