i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
