Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
