just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
