Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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