You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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