i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
