Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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